A couple months ago, I decided to enter the office chili cookoff. I’m a big fan of chili, but of course, there is one twist. I’m a vegan. This I thought could be an issue because if anyone who voted knew my entry was vegan, it might count against me. Also, someone could think someone else’s chili was vegan, and maybe cost someone a vote. So I entered my chili through another party who also was nice enough to bring a crockpot. It seems like a lot of extra shenanigans just for chili, and perhaps I overdid it, but it worked out ok.

My entry came tied for second…in a field of four. No one suspected it was vegan, though. I got a couple of really nice compliments from co-workers, and I let them in on it the subterfuge. One co-worker asked me for the recipe, and so after too long, I’m writing it down. I should also add, that my chili cooking is more like a process, than a specific recipe. I’m writing this down the best I can recollect and I hope that someone gets some use out of it:

Ingredients you’ll need

6 Boca ™ Burgers
3 cups textured vegetable protein
6 14.5 oz cans of diced tomatoes
2 cans Light Red Kidney Beans
2 cans Dark Red Kidney Beans
2 cans White Kidney Beans (also known as cannellini or fazolia beans)
12 chopped jalapeño peppers
3 sliced Bell peppers, any color and spice level will do
2 cans stewed tomatoes
1 small can tomato paste
1-2 cups bread flour
2 medium onions, diced (i prefer white)
brown sugar
mustard
paprika
chili powder
cumin
black pepper
salt
garlic powder
Predator Great White Shark Hot Sauce

Cooking Process

* Cut up Boca Burger into small chunks and with diced onions, fry in olive oil
* Put all tomatoes and beans in a large pot and slowly bring to boil, using all liquid
* Once at boil, turn down heat to low, and add peppers
* Slow cook for a couple hours before adding textured vegetable protein
* Add spices, hot sauce, and brown sugar to suit tastes
* To thicken chili, add bread flour to thicken to preference
* Slow cook until consistency and taste are both at desired levels

For the record, my version of this was called “Sweet & Spicy” in the contest, and I think it lived up to its name. I like a very spicy chili with an undercurrent of sweetness, and I was very happy with how it came out.

Well, that’s it, I hope someone gets something out of it.

This recent attempt at terror in the skies apparently was only an operational failure, not a tactical failure. The 24 hour news networks have latched onto this story, forgetting for the most part about swine flu, Tiger Woods, and the recent health care scam bill, displaying scary headlines, and using ominous language. The TSA, after spending $40 billion dollars or more to protect us against such threats, failed to have a system in place to prevent the wannabe martyr on board, and instead has issued new inane guidelines that are all about theater and nothing to do with safety.

1) No standing up during the last hour of a flight. Why? Because the attempted bomber was sitting down when he attempted to trigger the bomb.

2) Nothing in your lap the last hour of a flight. Why? Because the attempted bomber had something sewn into his crotch

3) International flights should consider no longer allowing electronics during the flight. Why? Because the attempted bomber used a non-electronic device.

This is in addition to the, possibly more inane, rule about scanning your shoes. Eight years ago, Richard Reid brought explosives aboard a plane via the soles of his shoes. So now we all have to take our shoes off so they can go through an x-ray that can’t detect explosive residue. We’re limited to a 1 gallon bag containing as many 3 oz bottles of liquid that can fit, even though no such chemical tests are ever run.

None of this makes us safer. We have to accept that in a free society there’s going to be a body count. We will have to accept the fact that there will be terrorists attacks against the United States where we might lose a couple hundred to a couple thousand people at a time. These attacks will kill less people than the flu, car accidents, alcohol, and murders against our own citizens by ourselves. We will have to accept that there is a 1 in 10 million chance of being killed aboard an airplane due to terrorist attacks.

Once we finally accept this as a fact of life in the modern, free world, we will have taken away the *real* terrorist weapon, which is not a bomb, but instead, simply fear. I’m personally already there, and I hope that more people can join me.